


Let's Taco 'Bout It

by Soliloquy (Helix)



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Discord: Elsanna Shenanigans (Disney), F/F, Incest, Lesbian Incest, Modern AU, Recreational Drug Use, Sibling Incest, There will be smut later on, stoner!Anna, stoner!Elsa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helix/pseuds/Soliloquy
Summary: Anna collects Taco Bell hot sauce packets and slips them into Elsa's lunch hoping she'll get the message.
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 115





	1. Baja Blast Mtn Dew

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the Elsanna Shenanigans discord server... now Taco Bell needs to sponsor us fr

“ _Again?_ ”

Elsa quirked her mouth into an amused, yet quizzical expression glancing at Anna clicking in her seatbelt, her PAX Era vape dangling from her lips as she exhaled some sweet smelling smoke through her nose. She seemed unbothered, if the nonchalant shrug was anything to go by. Lackadaisical was not normally the first word to come to mind when regarding Anna, although Elsa noted with a hint of amusement that even when putting up a front, her little sister did it in earnest. Even if she _was_ trying to look and act like some trifling bad boy in a Lana Del Rey song, and for god knows what reason. (Elsa knew her well enough that there _had_ to be a reason, the unaffected front was inherently suspicious.)

“By the time we get home and out of the car, it’ll be another 30 to 45 minutes before my munchies start to hit,” she started matter-of-factly, before taking her vaporizer out of her mouth to better speak. “And then I’ll be pouting that I want some Taco Bell, but you know damn well that you hate leaving the house once you’re in, and you won’t let me drive while I’m high- even though you do it all the time yourself-” Elsa winced a little at this, knowing it to be true, with a caveat, but thought better of interrupting the younger girl in that instant. “- you’d chastise me for spending the extra money to use Uber Eats to have it delivered. Plus you know if you let me cook dinner on an empty stomach with a wicked case of the munchies, I’ll eat half the ingredients before I finish. It’s also not my fault you chose to go to Vermont for school, the one state where there’s more holistic health stores than Taco Bells, KFCs and Mickey D’s combined. So like, in conclusion, you’re driving my ass to Taco Bell, now.” 

Logic? Flawless. 

A chuckle tickled her lips as she put the car in drive and pulled out, shaking her head in amusement. After such a resounding argument, Elsa didn’t have the heart to tell Anna it wasn’t the pre-emptive snack she was questioning, but rather, the highly specific choice of source for said snack. 

“Fine but you’re paying for gas next time I fill up.”

Anna waved her off and stuck her tongue out, unable to suppress her own smile and Elsa’s heart grew soft at noticing her excitement under previous airs. She reached over with her free hand, ruffling Anna’s bangs, her silent way of saying ‘ _you’re adorable_ ’ as she pulled onto the highway. Her eyes refocused on the road, too quickly to notice the blush pooling under the dusting of freckles on her passenger’s cheekbones. 

———

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that ma’am?”

Stammering, Elsa opened her mouth again to try and repeat herself, a little taken aback. She was certain she had spoken pretty clearly and had most definitely _not_ mumbled her way through the order. Before she could re-attempt however, a mane of red came into view, bangs still mussed from their previous ruffling and she jumped a little as her personal space was unexpectedly invaded, Anna’s torso pressing against her forearms as she leaned over from the passenger seat.

“A 5-layer dip loaded griller! With a _large_ Baja blast mountain dew and a side of chili cheese fries!”

The voice through the speaker echoed back Anna’s order to her satisfaction before confirming whether they wanted anything else or if the order was complete. She turned to look at Elsa, whilst still not acknowledging the invasion of her personal space. Her older sister blinked at her, still a little surprised, although really she shouldn’t have been. Anna was, to say the least, not the most patient person to have ever roamed the Earth, and she could be particularly food aggressive. Especially with munchies looming. The speaker crackled.

“Ma’am?”

Elsa’s focus was pulled away from her sister and she turned so that she was facing out the window, responding to the inquiry, clearly still a little confused at how the drive-through operator could have failed to hear her properly the first time, yet had no trouble understanding Anna. She cleared her throat, and tried to speak a little louder than she’d had the first time.

“uhh, sorry yeah- fries with hot sauce please.”

“I couldn’t hear you, could you repeat that ma’am?”

This time, Elsa furrowed her brows, mouth hanging open in shock, hands raising reflexively, and inadvertently bumping into Anna’s chest and stomach. _Un-freaking-belieavable._ What language was she speaking? Surely she wasn’t speaking _that_ softly, was she? Anna shifted now hovering over Elsa completely, craning her neck to get as close to the outside, belting so that chances were her voice was even heard by the occupants of the cars behind them. Elsa’s back straightened out a little, shoulders tensing as she closed her eyes, trying _not_ to think about the likely cringing drive-through employee and the probably, increasingly impatient patrons in the rest of the line. 

“She _said_ : an order of fries with hot sauce, _PLEASE_.”

“Thank you, please advance to the next window.” 

As soon as they were out of earshot from the microphone Elsa turned to Anna, her ears feeling a little hot, her look on the verge of a reprimand.

“You didn’t need to yell so loudly!”

“Oh but clearly I did! I mean it may not be her fault, perhaps she’s hearing impaired I don’t know her life, don’t care. What I do care, is that there was no reason she couldn’t’ve heard you, when you spoke out normally. If she can’t hear a normal person, I’ll yell like a crazy person.” 

Just like that, the tension in Elsa’s body melted away, her face softening into a grateful smile. She didn’t even know why she’d temporarily resented Anna’s display - in the haze of her mounting anxiety, she’d forgotten that Anna knew her better than anyone, and would never have unnecessarily drawn attention to Elsa, whether directly or indirectly. If anything, she now realized that Anna’s curt tone with the operator hadn’t come from a place of hunger, but rather a desire to protect her older sister. Not only that, but even now as she had come close to chiding her loud behaviour, Anna didn’t hold it against her. Elsa ran her hand through her hair, front to back and let out a little sigh of relief before dropping her hand to the side hovering over the gearstick. What? She liked pretending she drove stick shift sometimes. Another wave of tenderness washed over her, easing yet another layer of stress when she felt Anna’s hand wrap around hers giving it a little squeeze. She glanced down at their clasped hands, then back up as she stopped the car by the first window. 

“The 5-dip griller with chili fries and an order of regular fries?”

Elsa nodded, her grip loosening on Anna’s hand as she readied to reach for her wallet, only for Anna to squeeze her hand harder, instead reaching over with her free hand, leaning into Elsa’s space again to try and give the cashier a 20$. Elsa had to stifle a little chuckle, foot firmly pressed down on the brake pedal as she took the bill and handed it through the window, quirking an eyebrow at Anna, who stuck her tongue out at her. Elsa playfully pushed her sister back into her own seat, without however letting go of her hand, then turned her attention back to the person handing them their change. The employee gave Elsa a knowing look, and she narrowed her eyes the slightest bit, suspicious. What was _that_ for?

“Thanks,” she breathed in the barest hint of a whisper, as she took the change, her features closing up somewhat, as she wondered what that look was about, and she eased her foot off the brakes, allowing the car to roll forward over to the next window. She turned to Anna her lips slightly pursed as she murmured.

“What was that about?”

Anna shook her head, her mouth wry and offered a little shrug, her thumb slightly stroking the back of Elsa’s hand, momentarily distracting her from the fact she was bringing her vape up to her mouth.

“ _Anna!”_

By the time she’d called her out however, Elsa could only watch helplessly as her little sister inhaled a seriously long hit. Anna chanced her an innocent glance, holding in the vapour for a second longer before exhaling noisily just as they got to the next window.

“Chill sis, this is Vermont, nobody gives a shit.”

“But still… in the car? At the drive through?”

“The _Taco_ _Bell_ drive-through. They know they owe 70% of their bottomline to stoners.” 

Elsa let out a groan somewhere between exasperation and resignation, as Anna helped herself to another drag. She had to admit the aroma seemed fairly enticing and she might have simply taken the PAX Era from Anna’s mouth to try it if they were already back home. Alone.

“What flavour is that anyway?”

“It’s fruity pebbles, it’s actually pretty fucking delicious, you should give it a try.” 

“Man if I’d known you’d become such a brat, I wouldn’t have gotten you that vape for Christmas.”

Anna smirked deviously, to which Elsa rolled her eyes, but decided to let it go. There was no winning against the sass monster’s infallible logic, and what was done, was done. At least this flavour was mostly sweet-smelling and probably, wouldn’t draw attention to them. She was tempted to take a hit herself, and maybe, just maybe it’d help ease her nerves a little, but with rush hour traffic nearing, the last thing Elsa wanted was to get pulled over by a state trooper, only for them to determine she was driving under the influence. The thought made her heart pound a little harder, until she felt Anna’s thumb again, followed by a little squeeze. She sighed through her nose and closed her eyes, until she heard the drive-through window slide open.

“Here’s your drink, and the griller. Fries will be ready shortly.”

Reaching for the bag with her free hand and plopping it into Anna’s lap, much to her little sister’s delight, Elsa pulled out the cup holder. She then took the drink, still refusing to let go of Anna’s hand. She heard a rustling of paper as the younger girl opened it then leaned over to Elsa’s side for the third time.

“Hey could we get extra sauces?”

“Sure, mild, hot, fire or diablo?”

“Extras of each, please.”

Whilst Elsa had a ridiculous weak spot for theses sauces, both she and the employee gave Anna an odd look, but the redhead remained seemingly unfazed. That is until Elsa’s fingers shifted, tickling her wrist and prompting a giggling fit. Anna finally put a stop to it by lacing her fingers with the offending hand, and gazed up at her affectionately, while Elsa reached for the drink. There was something weirdly addictive about the baja blast flavour and as she drank away, regretted not asking for one of her own. She was sucking on the straw thirstily, when the drive-through staffer came back.

“Here are your fries! By the way… hope this isn’t out of line but my coworker and I think you two make a really cute couple. You are adorable together!”

The unfamiliar sensation of a sweet, carbonated beverage blasting through her nose and spraying on her car’s dashboard caught her off guard and Elsa wanted to just literally fucking die. She heard Anna’s bell-like laughter chime through her ears, ringing in mortification and she resisted the urge to put the pedal to the metal and book it out of the drive-through. Before she could even fathom attempting to clear up any misconception however, Anna was answering, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, whilst trying to contain her fits of chuckling.

“I’m sorry about that, she’s just really shy about it still.”

Elsa glowered at Anna, and pointedly refused to look the employee in the eye as she took the last two remaining bags, mumbling something resembling a thank you, and hurriedly zooming the car out of the drive-through with their food and what was left of their dignity, ignoring the stinging in her nostrils. 

“Oh my god, Anna. They thought we were _dating_! Why didn’t you tell them we were sisters? They might have understood why I sprayed my drink all over myself like a simpleton… Holy shit, we can never go back there.”

“Hey easy now! I played along because honestly saying we’re sisters would’ve just made it worse, if you think about it.”

“I _don’t_ want to think about it, that’s the point!” 

“…Besides, we are not giving up the only Taco Bell within a reasonable distance from home.”

As they merged onto the highway, Elsa started to relax a little, especially as the car picked up speed allowing them freedom in the fast lane, passing other vehicles until they could merge right again. She just wanted her heart rate to go down, and driving, especially on the highway often put her in a contemplative, even meditative state. By the time she felt Anna’s hand slip into her own hand, all was right with the world again.


	2. Cheesy Gordita Crunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the Hot Sauce comes in. Elsa continues to be an oblivious anxious mess.

Elsa had been having a lot of field days with a couple of her classes particularly those linked to environmental studies, and she so appreciated the thoughtfully packed lunches Anna prepped for her. Although they hadn’t been back to Taco Bell, Anna had no issues feeding into Elsa’s hot sauce addiction, and would usually come up with some sort of meal she could use up her little packets on. It was ridiculous, the amount they’d come back with last time and Elsa still couldn’t figure out why her sister was hellbent on hoarding them, but she certainly wasn’t going to complain. 

The only drawback, she thought to herself as she ripped the packet open, was that there weren’t always nearby trashcans and so she ended up feeling a little bad about having to put the emptied foil back in her bag, potentially getting sauce all over everything else. To this, Elsa tried her best to get the dishes done before Anna could get to them, because she already did a lot as is, for the both of them. 

Perhaps as much, if not more, than the actual sauces themselves, Elsa took a great deal of self-entertainment in reading the quotes on the packet. She ‘collected’ them by taking pictures, and was hoping down the line to tally all the different ones she’d seen. Not that it would be incredibly indicative now that they were in Vermont, but at least it would give her a point of reference once they got through their current stash. Today’s was a pretty sassy - or rather _saucy_ \- message. ‘ _Get on my level_ ’. Elsa had chuckled to herself.

Just as she was about to happily take the first forkful to her mouth, her phone buzzed, the screen lighting up with a notification from messages. Anna. She smiled softly as she read the preview, amused with her sister’s exuberance.

_Baby Sis Anna_ : how’s lunch

_Elsa_ : Idk maybe if you weren’t so EAGER I’d have had time to actually get the food in my mouth before you texted.

_Baby Sis Anna_ : maybe if you weren’t so slow, and ate at normal hours 

_Baby Sis Anna_ : like a normal person

_Baby Sis Anna_ : who eats normally

_Baby Sis Anna_ : you’d have given me feedback by now and I wouldn’t have had to text you

Elsa snapped a picture of her fork with the bite still on it, sending it to Anna.

_Baby Sis Anna_ : Put it.

_Baby Sis Anna_ : in

_Baby Sis Anna_ : your mouth

Smirking, she brought the fork up to her mouth, wrapping her lips around it, quirking her brow as if in deep pondering over the taste, and took a selfie which was immediately delivered to Anna along with a caption.

_Elsa:_ satisfied?

_Baby Sis Anna_ : almost

_Elsa_ : what more could you possibly want?

_Baby Sis Anna_ : that still doesn’t tell me if you liked what I packed for you

Elsa rolled her eyes, scoffing. As if she’d ever disliked anything Anna made for her. As if she _could_ dislike anything Anna did for her. Her younger sister was amazing and the swell of adoration in her chest any time she did something for her was one thing she’d never tire of. In truth, she was in awe of Anna and sometimes wondered exactly how she had turned out to be such a trooper. Sometimes she even felt a pang of guilt, thinking her baby sister had turned out that way _in spite_ of her at times, not always because of her. And sometimes she felt guilty, believing she should be doing more in return, and hated herself for the fact it hadn’t always been possible. Her throat felt a little tight at this thought and her wandering gaze dropped back to her phone’s screen.

Elsa: It’s delicious puffcake, you know damn well I always love what you make for me. And Taco Bell hot sauce.

_Baby Sis Anna:_ next time I expect video evidence if you don’t text me within a reasonable timeframe

Well, maybe Anna’s sass and at times pushy and insistent tendencies, as well as Elsa’s indulgence towards brattiness sort of atoned for some aspects of their past and made up for what she felt she lacked as an older sibling. It was not a stretch to say the laughter that accompanied it might also have been part of the reason she could let it go.

———

The car door slammed a little bit harder than she had intended, but Elsa didn’t so much as flinch. Her brows were lightly furrowed as she saw no other vehicle in the driveway, and her mind began to race instantly with questions of Anna’s whereabouts. She’d received a text from her earlier to let her know she was going to be driven home by some guy named Kristoff, which made Elsa nervous as is, but she had been under the impression Anna would be coming straight home after classes. Why’d her Env Sci class have to be the last of the day today, and why did it have to be off campus? She fumbled with her keychain nervously as she sought out her phone, burrowed under a pile of things at the bottom of her messenger bag, and mentally berated herself, as if she somehow had any power over the schedule. As if, once more she were failing Anna. 

The lock yielded to her jittered insistence before she could find her phone, and she walked through the door, stopping short as she heard the sounds of living in the space. She sighed quietly through her nose in relief, a smile playing on her lips. Anna was home. 

Her sister must have been waiting for her as she suddenly materialized in the entrance, cheeks slightly dimpled and arms sliding over Elsa’s shoulders and crossing behind her neck. She pushed up on her toes and pressed her forehead to hers. Elsa’s restrained smile split into a grin as she allowed for the affectionate display done to her.

“Hey!”

“Hey.”

Elsa finally embraced Anna’s midsection, returning the hug for a moment, allowing her nerves to fully quiet themselves from their prior agitation. She sighed deeply through her nose and allowed her heart rate to stabilise before she finally stepped away. 

“You’re home.”

Anna chuckled at this slightly, as she dropped down from the tip of her toes, which caused Elsa’s eyebrows to raise in surprise, wondering what was so funny about that statement, although self-consciousness tried to whisper in the recess of her mind that it was a dumb comment, because _obviously_. 

“Yeah, I told you I was getting a lift from Kristoff, right after class.”

Her cheeks felt hot, somewhat ashamed of having doubted her sister’s word. Her index’s nail dug into her palm, self-chastising and biting the inside of her cheek, too worried she’d sound like an idiot if she offered an explanation.

“Elsa? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah ‘m sorry. I just…”

Her voice trailed off and she looked up at Anna. Her doubts began to thaw and she once more mentally insulted herself for somehow forgetting that _of course_ what she’d find in her sister’s eyes was nothing but love and acceptance. She was her little sister, her roommate, her only living family. She _loved_ her for fuck’s sake, had loved her through the darkest time in their lives, loved her through all of Elsa’s own issues and loved her still. 

“I know it’s stupid, I just for some reason worried when I saw the driveway was empty that this guy had whisked you off elsewhere or that you decided not to come home- which I know is r-worded as fuck because-“

“Elsa,” Anna interrupted gently. “None of that is dumb or stupid or anything like that. You know I’d never do anything to scare you on purpose.” 

“I know, but-“

“I also wouldn’t invite someone you’d never met into our home without at least texting you a heads up.”

“I know.”

Eyelashes fluttered as Elsa felt her younger sister lay a feather-like peck against the tip of her nose. Her shoulders dropped a bit and she smiled, murmuring barely above a whisper.

“Oh Anna… what would I do without you?”

“Probably starve. And cry. But, fortunately for you, you’ll always have me.”

Elsa chuckled but didn’t argue, knowing Anna was probably right. Elsa rarely cooked for the both of them, let alone herself, and were it not for the munchies when she toked up, she likely would forget to eat most of the time. 

“Always? Does that mean you’ll tolerate having me around like a fucking parasite even after you get married?”

Anna stepped back a little, looking up at Elsa in earnest with a little smile. There was something more muted about her expression than usual, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on the shadow of the emotion she saw there and she once again wondered what was going on inside her little sister’s mind.

“You’re not a parasite, Elsa. And even if you were, **_I_** would never view you that way. So yeah, you’ll _always_ have me.” 

Her face opened up again and she pushed up on the tip of her toes to nip at Elsa’s nose.

“Besides, someone has to drive me to Taco Bell without judgment when I get high!”

———

It was one of those nights. Anna had come into her room softly, almost timidly and had crawled into her bed snuggling her face into the nook of Elsa’s neck, who in turn shifted to cradle her into her arms. There was something oddly reassuring about holding her like this, and though she never asked her younger sister to come cuddle like this for fear of being yet again a burden, there were times she definitely needed it. 

The constricted feeling around Elsa’s chest had let up some of the pressure as Anna had reached for one of her ankles with her feet, gently tangling their legs together and soothingly stroking her calf in the process. She pressed her cheek against the soft, auburn hair as she peered out at the darkness outside, her body’s physical relaxation response clashing with the anxious rush of her pacing mind.

She tried to listen to the sound of Anna’s breathing evening out, hoping that if she matched hers, their heartbeats would too, and if her heart eased up, maybe her mind would follow suit. Easier said than done. Their earlier exchange was still rolling through the confines of her brain, try as she might to push them out. She supposed they wouldn’t be called _intrusive_ thoughts if they were welcomed but it was straight up infuriating to realize that the less she wanted them there, the more she fixated on them. Although if she were being honest this time it was her own damn fault for bringing it up.

She just couldn’t fathom why the thought of Anna doing what should be perfectly normal for most average adults - getting into a healthy, committed relationship, moving in with her partner and starting a new life - was giving her insomnia-induced anxiety. And she didn’t know why she could picture Anna so well in someone else’s living room, eyes brightening up at the sight of the anonymous placeholder her imagination had conjured into visualization. Worst of all however, was the little voice telling her she was indeed a pathetic little roach who would end up all alone the day her younger sister finally found someone who was deserving of her. 

Elsa’s fingers crooked into the fabric of Anna’s shirt. Her breath shallowed and her skin flared in shame and embarrassment as she mulled over how despicably wretched she was. 25 years old and she couldn’t envision living alone without immediately wanting to numb her anxiety into a stoned stupor. 

_Pathetic._

Her thoughts were derailed for the better when she felt her sister shift again in her sleep, brushing her lips softly against the swell of her throat. Like apple blossoms in the spring, gliding over skin. 

“Anna?”

She murmured, almost meekly. Holding her breath, she waited alertly to any sign that might indicate a response. 

No answer. 

She’d have to let her go, one day. Tonight however, she clung to her just a little tighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am once again asking you to disregard the fact that I have no beta reader and don't proofread my work because I'm barbaric.
> 
> As you can see the number of chapters changed because I think this will end up being longer than anticipated. What is this pacing thing you speak of?


	3. Steak Chalupa Supreme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise, life has been crazy for me not to mention the difficulty I had with this chapter overall. I also apologise about the angst in Elsa's head, I promise I won't let it drag on for too long!

“What if we buy a house?”

Elsa peered up from the television screen, turning her head to look at Anna over her shoulder. Her brows furrowed slightly and her lips pursed in confusion as she watched her younger sister adjust the fire under the pan of bacon she was currently frying.

“Uh… yeah, I guess that’s the goal? Survive long enough to graduate, hopefully fall madly in love, get a job, get married and buy a house?”

Hot grease suddenly flew out of the pain and Anna hissed as she let out a string of mumbled curse words under her breath. Her back was still turned to Elsa who had tensed up, ready to leap to her aid but her younger sister seemed fine so she remained seated, hesitating. The moment passed and she let it go, not without mentally berating herself for her inaction, however.

“No! I mean… no. That’s not - I’m talking about now. Buying a house together.”

Elsa’s mouth went dry, and she wasn’t sure if it was the weed or her synapses firing off chaotically as she tried to process the information. This was not what she had expected as a topic of conversation over their Saturday morning breakfast. It’s not as though she had never thought about it before, but, fuck, she’d always been afraid to bring it up because it sounded weird on paper, and frankly it seemed unrealistic, or ludicrous. There was also the matter that she hadn’t really want to think that far ahead, after graduation for the both of them. While she’d picked Vermont for college it didn’t mean she’d envisioned staying here long term either.

Noticing that Anna suddenly seemed very still, yet hadn’t turned around, she realized that her younger sister couldn’t see the dazed look on her face, which in turn reminded her that her silence was stretching on and would risk becoming weird soon. She swallowed thickly, unable to form a coherent sentence in her mind, the best she could do: blurting out a single word.

“Why?”

She bit her lip to suppress the urge to hit herself for being an absolute fucking dumbass. Her eyes wandered to the counter, spotting Anna’s PAX and before she knew it her hand was bringing it up to her lips in order to breathe in a generous helping. Coughing almost imperceptibly as she exhaled, she momentarily distracted herself from the situation, focusing on the sugary taste of the vapour. Fruity Pebbles. She took a second hit, filling her lungs as much as she could, until they could barely handle the strain any longer. Moments later a familiar warmth was spreading through her nervous system and she put the vape back down.

Anna hadn’t responded yet to the single word question, but Elsa saw the way her younger sister shrugged and felt a pang of guilt as she recognized the forced nonchalance she so often used as a self-defence mechanism. Her voice sounded a little hesitant, a little more muted than when she’d asked the question, like she was dialling back her excitement.

“I've just… I’ve been doing some research and it kinda makes sense? We’re paying rent money which we are never going to see again, and for what we currently pay, we could easily afford a mortgage around here. Our money would be better spent investing into something we could… flip or sell, if we wanted to leave. The paperwork is about to be finalized with regards to what we’re supposed to inherit from mom and dad.”

Elsa looked down at the counter as she tried to process it all. The mention of their parents brought up some painful, conflicting feelings, and she generally made a point to think about their passing as little as possible. She didn’t know why she was so surprised to hear Anna speak in such a pragmatic way either, when she knew damn well just how wonderfully sharp her younger sister could be. And she wasn’t exactly wrong, either. She toyed absent-mindedly at the hem of her hoodie’s sleeve.

“At the same time though, being an owner also means shouldering the cost and responsibility.”

She heard Anna sigh, and immediately reprimanded herself for making it sound like she was shutting down the idea, cursing her tongue. Chewing her lip nervously, she quickly added, before Anna could respond.

“But I think you’re right, maybe it would be worth it if we find the right place and buy new appliances and stuff.”

The change in body language was immediately visible, with Anna perking up and turning around to smile brightly at Elsa as she lifted the frying pan off the fire, carefully setting the bacon on a plate aside. She couldn’t help but smile back a little goofily, always feeling an immediate sense of tenderness whenever her younger sister looked so happy - which was also why she had such a hard time refusing her whimsies, such as driving out to Taco Bell multiple times a week. She’d do anything to see that smile.

“They don’t even have to be brand new, people sometimes sell them with coverage under the warranty still.”

Elsa watched as Anna stretched up on the tip of her toes, reaching for some plates in the cupboard, causing her shirt to ride up a little along the curve of her back, exposing her midriff and dimples of Venus. She felt a surge of protectiveness as she caught herself staring and thinking of anyone else who would one day look at Anna doing the same thing in their own kitchen, the lucky person she’d give her heart to, and suddenly her doubts came crushing back in. She looked away, the thought paining her. Here she was, taking care of her older sister, hanging out with her instead of with friends, tending to her instead of taking advantage of her college years to the fullest. It’s not even like Elsa would stop her from going out on her own but if she’d been recently entertaining the idea, her little meltdown from yesterday would likely have tossed it aside.

Bile threatened to rise and a flash of self-disgust and resentment blew over her. It was all she could do not to actually reach up to rip strands out of her own hair or start cussing under her breath about her own worthlessness. In all honesty, she was glad she actually was already high in that moment, well-aware that the weed was her only buffer between feeling her crazy and acting on it. It was a sobering reminder however, that Anna was likely not considering the weight of buying a house together.

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll regret it though? If you do that you’re eliminating a lot of options.”

Elsa let out a shaky breath, walking over to the fridge to pour herself a drink, pointedly avoidant of looking at Anna. Her mouth felt drier by the second and she grabbed the milk thirstily before zoning in on a glass she’d left on the counter a little earlier. She shrugged mentally at the very faint mar at the bottom of it. Couldn’t be assed to care.

“What? I mean we don’t _have_ to buy second-hand appliances if you don’t want.”

She closed her eyes, and cringed internally, realizing that Anna hadn’t been following her train of thought, and her question must have sounded incredibly fucking bizarre and out of place. Smooth-brained move. Good job. She mumbled a quiet thanks as she went back to sit on the stool and Anna slid a plate of pancakes and eggs with bacon in front of her.

“No I mean… I can tell you’ve been thinking about this seriously but have you thought it _through_? What if we buy a house together and you end up meeting someone?” _Someone who doesn’t burden you like a total piece of shit. “_ Then I’m left to pay a mortgage alone.” Wait no, that sounded selfish, _fuck_.

She fumbled her brain struggling to turn the gears quickly enough to find the words she wanted. “Imagine you buy a house with me. Then you meet some amazing guy - or girl and you want to move in with them because at some point that’s normal and also probably the logical conclusion of a healthy relationship. Now what? You have to go back to paying rent on top of a mortgage? You and I both know I wouldn’t survive with a random roommate.” Or anyone that wasn’t Anna, really.

Elsa chuckled nervously trying to add levity to her last sentence. “Or alternatively, you just pass up the chance to move in with someone you love because you’re stuck with your older sister.” ‘ _Who is like one of those trash dogs that gets the can caught on their head and subsequently runs around blind, knocking into things and unaware of the destruction left in their wake.’_

Going quiet she popped some bacon into her mouth and took a long swig of milk, before finally daring to look up at Anna who had gone back to oven, taking out the tater tots that had been baking. Her voice was quiet when she finally responded.

“You’re right, I _have_ been thinking about this seriously. Frankly, I’ve been thinking about it a _lot_ and have been researching it too.”

When Anna turned around, Elsa subconsciously tensed up as their gazes locked, and the intensity and determination in her younger sister’s eyes gave her a fierceness she tended to forget was there below the surface of her kindness, her sweetness and her devotion. She said nothing though, unable to answer and suspecting that perhaps Anna had more to add.

“It’s not just about making an investment or buying a house for the sake of it. Nor is it because I feel beholden to you, or the promise we made. I brought it up because I want to buy a house with _you,_ Elsa. I _want_ to live with _you_.”

Elsa was looking at her incredulously, mouth slightly agape with a forkful of pancakes halfway there but now suspending in the air as though her mind could wrap around the concept that her own sister might actually want to live her by _choice_ and not by obligation. She set the fork back down along with the food on it.

“But… why?”

She half expected her to be annoyed at this, but instead Anna laughed even as she rolled her eyes in an infectious manner, and once again that warm feeling, and the contagious smile creeped over Elsa. Her younger sister then brought over the plate of tots as she shook her head, as though the answer to the question should have been obvious, _especially_ to Elsa. Glancing over as Anna began to rummage through the drawer where they kept condiment packets, she forgot momentarily about the negative, self-deprecative thoughts, suddenly eager for one of her favourite sauces, curious to see which one Anna would choose for her. The redhead found what she was looking for, and tossed a packet to Elsa who caught it with surprisingly sharp reflexes considering her medicated stupor.

“Because _I love you!_ ”

The desire to say the words back was there, but they stayed caught in her throat and Elsa looked down in her hands, turning around the Taco Bell hot sauce seeking out the phrase, as though cracking open a fortune cookie.

_Let’s do this_.

Maybe that was a sign. It certainly made her smile a little and she raked her fingers through her bangs, before toying with the end of her messy braid. Realistically, if this was something Anna thought would make her happy, it’s not like Elsa would be able to refuse her that either, at the end of the day.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

She looked up again and warmth bloomed in her chest as she saw Anna’s expression.


	4. Loaded Taco Fries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When realization hits [Elsa] like a tonne of bricks and your boat starts sinking on a river in Egypt.

Monday had rolled around to Elsa’s partial disgruntlement. Her nails ran along the edges of the keys on her laptop absent-mindedly in a rhythmic back and forth motion she’d recently noted must have been a mild form of self-stimulation. Outside, the sky was cloudy and grey which did nothing to lift her energy or move her spirits beyond the point of sustained sleepiness. This alone would’ve been indicative a few concentration issues, (to say nothing of the fact she wished she were high at home instead of sober on campus) but it was further compounded by the fact her mind kept drifting back to the _major_ life decision she had agreed to a few days ago. Frankly, she couldn’t think of much else in the moment, wondering if she’d live to regret saying yes. Or more precisely, she wondered if _Anna_ would live to regret it. While on some level, she trusted that Anna was sincere in the moment and that she chose to trust her younger sister wouldn’t just abandon her, Elsa always felt as though she were waiting for the shoe to drop. And how much longer until Anna would grow sick of her, or dismantle the bias with which she viewed Elsa, and realized she deserved more out of life than being her sister’s keeper?

She’d _said_ she wanted to live with _her._ She’d _said_ she _wanted_ it. But the pull of self-doubt hung back in the periphery of Elsa’s mind and brought this into question. For, even if that were true _now,_ couldn’t that just as easily change in a few weeks from now? A few months? A few _years_? Had Anna even thought that far ahead - had Anna considered the possibility of what would happen if she _did_ get into a serious relationship, and found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? The questions unfurled inside of her in a tangle of ribbons and she’d practically forgotten which class she was currently in, let alone what had just transpired during the lecture. The only relief she got from the incessant interrogations in her head, was the consolation that they were not in any position, or any way close to being in a position to actually apply for a mortgage, put a deposit on a house and buy it.

And for now, Anna’s joy at the prospect of it was enough to sustain Elsa through it all, as well as support her excitement in looking at various properties, allowing her younger sister to dream out loud. Although _that_ wouldn’t exactly fix her most pressing issue, she realized, when the professor dismissed the class and people started to gather their things in order to exit the lecture hall.

_Shit_.

“Are you okay?”

Elsa looked up, a little startled and briefly doubting whether the question was in fact addressed to _her_ , only to find someone looking back. Perhaps most surprising to her however, was that the apparently concerned classmate was a blond guy whose name she probably should have known but couldn’t recall immediately. Her lips parted slightly to answer but no sound followed so she settled for a half-hearted nod, averting her eyes away from his. He motioned towards her laptop.

“I do the same thing when I stim.”

The statement seemed cautious, his tone of voice prudent, as if he were weary of making any sort of presumption. Before Elsa could respond, however, he went in with his followup, giving her a knowing look.

“You could borrow my notes?”

If the initial contact had taken her aback, the seemingly generous offer seemed too good to be true. Her eyebrows rose and she briefly looked back at him.

“I mean, that’s a really kind offer but couldn’t you just email them to me?”

He chuckled, though she wasn’t quite sure _why_ or what to make of it. Was it embarrassment? Gods, was he embarrassed _for_ her? Was there something she was failing to pick up on?

“I mean, I don’t mind yeah - I just didn’t want you to think I was trying to get your email or anything like that. Plus I don’t take all of my notes digitally, I write some of them down too or when I need to draw something, diagrams etc. I’m just not that technologically proficient to do all those fast enough to do so during a lecture.”

_Oh_. That made sense. She felt the tension ease in her shoulders a little, and looked back down at the screen sighing as she noted the almost entirely blank page. It was humiliating to have someone actually _notice_ how out of it you were, but she supposed it would be even more difficult to just randomly go up to one of her classmates and ask then have to explain why. She nodded and offered a short, if strained smile.

“Okay, yeah that would be amazing actually. Um maybe we could go to lunch together if you’re free? I’ll copy all the stuff you’ve written down by hand, that way I don’t have to monopolize your notes for any longer and we won’t have to play telephone tag.”

“Sounds good.”

———

“What _is_ that?”

Elsa didn’t respond to the question right away, she was trying to hold her phone as still as possible to successfully take a picture and add it to her collection. Once the image had been captured to her satisfaction, and subsequently sent to Anna for proof, she relaxed and finally answered.

“Taco Bell hot sauce.”

“ _Why?_ ”

Her brows furrowed, accompanied by a slight frown. What kind of question? She knew this was Vermont and people were pretty gung-ho about organic, clean eating or what have you, but she’d literally just met this guy. And sure he had lent her his notes but that did not give him the authority to judge her lunch.

“Because it’s tasty.”

“Well yeah, but I mean… why are you taking a picture of it?”

Cheeks flared as she realized how ridiculous it had been of her to get defensive over a question about a fucking Taco Bell condiment. She chuckled a little nervously, stammering as she tried to answer, praying it wouldn’t be one of those moments where the words fly from her mouth out of order because her brain was in panic gear.   
  
“O-oh, um. It’s kinda- collect. I mean, I like the phrases.”

A job well done, eloquence for the ages. Shakespearian, even. Realizing that this didn’t really clarify why she was taking a picture, specifically, she cleared her throat quietly and continued.

“I figure taking pictures is better than collecting their gutted corpses.”

Her tone was matter of fact as she shot the latter phrase off the cuff, having gotten a chance to recompose herself. His laugh though muted face her a brief sense of relief. In truth while she wasn’t actively _trying_ to be funny, it helped put her at ease knowing he wasn’t secretly thinking she was a freak. Well, maybe he was, but he didn’t seem put off by it at least.

“Touché. Not sure how I’d feel about sharing my notes with a _saucy_ serial killer and her trophies.”

Elsa scoffed and rolled her eyes, though it wasn’t in contempt. Just mild indignation, in spite of which she resisted the urge to smirk at the terrible pun, which granted had crossed her mind before, but she’d at least had the decency to keep to herself.

“That’s Dad-tier.”  
  
“Everybody’s a critic. But fine. How does it work anyway? You just grab one randomly for your lunch when you leave the house?”

“No m-my uh…”

Her skin felt hot again and she knew she had to be blushing. _Gods_ why was she like this? A freaking grown-ass adult who blushed like a victorian maiden whenever she got a little flustered by an unexpected question. Pitiable, truly. It was so fucking silly too, why would that be such a weird thing to say? Her phone buzzed, drawing her eyes to the screen instinctively to check the notification.

_Baby Sis Anna:_ you’re learning, at last!  
 _Baby Sis Anna:_ were you out again?

The familiar sight of her younger sibling’s name seemed to ground her, putting her at ease and she quickly began typing back a reply to let her know she was in fact still on campus, in the dining hall. Without glancing back up at her classmate, she completed her initial thought, verbally.

“I’m just lucky to have someone in my life who cares enough to pack my lunches in spite of my being a whole ass adult.”

Unconsciously, as she’d spoken those words a gentle smile had played at the edges of her lips, her tone growing tender, and an unmistakable softness had dripped into her eyes.

“Oh, _R.I.P.,_ couldn’t be me. Can’t even get the girl I like to text me back on a weekend.”

“If it’s any comfort, it’s nothing like _that_.”  
  
“That _does_ make me feel a little bit better, even if I also find it surprising.”

Elsa, unsure of what to say to that, shrugged apathetically. She never knew what to say when she heard comments of that nature, and she always did her best not to roll her eyes or drill people as to _why_ they found it surprising. While she knew she didn’t give much for people to go on, she found it irritating beyond belief when people made assumptions about her, without knowing her at all. Nonetheless, she knew how common this way of thinking was, and she couldn’t hold it against him, especially since he’d otherwise been… well really cool actually.

“I’m just tryina get through my degree. Which I believe you’re technically assisting me with, for today anyway.”

“I can appreciate that. So what did today’s packet say?”

Perhaps the weirdest part of this conversation was that he sounded genuinely curious, which in a sense served to only further underline to Elsa how _odd_ this little habit of hers was, but at the same time, there was the tiniest part of her that felt good about it too. Like she was being acknowledged as a person instead of being immediately written off. And it’s not so much that she truly needed the validation of other people, but she herself was only human after all. 

“Here,” she answered as she handed him her phone with the picture of her latest token. Elsa could see how his eyebrows rose in surprise as he read it out loud, his tone conveying a level of disbelief in his reaction that was actually fair, given the message.

“ _You know you want me.._?”

Smirking nonchalantly, she offered another wisecrack.

“It’s a little forward, cheeky even, coming from a condiment, but I have to admit, the sauce is right.”

Unable to keep a straight face when he laughed as the rare, yet distinct feeling of being pleased with herself washed over her, Elsa casually reached for her can of sparkling water, taking a sip to avoid looking too obvious.

“Honestly I’m surprised you’re not drinking Baja Blast. But… I had no idea they could be so… bold. Now you’ve made me curious, can I see the others?”

Nodding wordlessly she took the phone back from him and quickly scanned her library to create a new album with strictly Taco Bell sauce packets in order to make the viewing easier, and also make sure she didn’t have something weird in there she’d have to explain and possibly ruin this tenuous connection she was making. She handed it back to him and glanced at his expression from the corner of her eye, wondering if he’d find the rest just amusing as her latest prize, or if he’d think she really _was_ the lame weirdo she assumed she appeared to be.

Once more, her self-doubt and anxiety lost a little ground as he chuckled and shook his head a little at some of them, although not all of them. He seemed to be very expressive and while Elsa found that kind fo earnestness unfathomable, it was oddly reassuring, especially because it reminded her of Anna.

The whisper of confidence evaporated the following moment however, as she noticed him swiping back in the opposing direction, an eyebrow quirked, as though looking for something, or at least thinking about it.

“Hey… the person who packed your lunch… are you sure it’s not like _that_? Kinda looks like the sauces altogether spell out of a message.”

It wasn’t like her to be so brusque, but she almost immediately snatched the phone out of his hand, angry and confused. Of course she was sure, she should _know,_ and he was being ridiculous. Although to be fair he had no idea that the person fixing her lunches was her _sister_. At the realization, she relented a little in her outrage - surely he was reading too much into it.

“Nah, it’s not…”

Her voice trailed off as she looked at the album from start to finish like he had. She’d never considered it before but her mouth went dry as incredulity rolled around within, her brain filtering the phrases altogether into a legible message.

‘ _I’m your main squeeze, ready for this? Consider yourself warned: I’ll make you sweat. You asked for this, get on my level! Let’s do this… I know you want me.’_

“What the fuck?” She whispered quietly, more to herself than to her new acquaintance. “No fucking way… _what_! What the fuck.”

Her heart began pounding with such force she felt it high up in her throat, pulse thrumming into her lips as she exhaled a little fast. This was insane, he had to be reading too much into it, surely Anna hadn’t been so deliberate in her choices? Or was she? Her brain had ran away with her imagination, dragging along with it memories to embark on a wild hunt for a beast called hindsight. No. It couldn’t possibly mean what she thought it meant, which could only mean Elsa was reading into it, and she was a fucked up, despicable, garbage human being for even acknowledging that possibility however brief. Disjointed moments, conversations - specific phrases replayed in her mind’s eye, the echo of Anna’s voice lingering with those flashes.

_‘What if we buy a house?’_

_  
An exposed midriff, dimples of Venus.  
  
‘I want to buy a house with you Elsa. I want to live with you.’ _

Doubt wreaked havoc as she questioned whether her current perception of that relatively recent memory was objectively true, or if she were distorting it. But if she _were_ reading too much into it, why did it make so much sense? And if she _were_ distorting it, then what did that say about _her_? The human brain’s inherent predisposition to find patterns where there were none was fucking her _up_. And she’d been influenced by this guy she’d only just met, who had no fucking clue about her life and probably wouldn’t have even seen this imagined message if he had actually known the truth. Right?

_‘I’m sorry about that, she’s just really shy about it still.’_

Quotes and moments that took on a whole new meaning when viewed through a brand new, albeit twisted lens. Yet objectively, Elsa dared not find confirmation in them. From her peripheral view she could see her chest was rising and falling quicker and tremors in her fingertips made her grip on her phone unsteady as she tried to make sense of the information swirling inside her mind. She was drifting, disconnecting as she found herself mentally trapped in a maelstrom of contradictions and conflicting knowledge, the different fragments of her brain arguing with one another.

_The vape hanging from Anna’s lips as she tried to look debonair and cavalier._

_Anna’s lips._

Elsa’s eyes had glazed over, no longer really looking at the hand-held screen as she short-circuited, motor functions grinding to a halt whilst her brain ran into a critical error.The fabric of reality ripped to shreds and everything that made sense, made absolutely _no fucking sense_. If this were truly a coincidence why did it work so well? There were literally thousands of Taco Bell packet quotes out there, what were the odds? So it likely was deliberate on Anna’s part. _Why?_ The whirling batshit pandemonium of her thoughts twirled like a demented carousel as she found herself Frozen in a never ending loop, returning to the same few questions yet stubbornly refusing to address the simplest and most obvious conclusion.

“Elsa!”

Ordinarily, the sound of her name spoken by the familiar voice would’ve heralded a moment of respite, a mooring in her storm, or a masterful hand gathering the reins. This time however, as the warm, comforting scent of her younger sister embraced her along with her arms from behind, she startled. Stiff as a board and spooked as a deer helplessly facing its demise in the headlights.

_Words_. She needed to find English. But her brain had yet to recover its processing power and her eyes remained fixed on her unfinished meal in front of her. Could someone fucking inject her with an epipen or something, so that she may start functioning again? The torturous paradox of Anna’s touch - at once grounding her back to reality, and at once shell-shocking her in light of her current _kopfkino_ was both a blessing and a curse, but sufficient to help her grow a little more aware of her surroundings. She swallowed heavily as she felt Anna’s warmth and torso pressing into her back, strands of copper tickling her cheek.

“Kristoff?”

“Anna?”

_What?_ She knew this guy? Of all things to break the malfunction, she hadn’t expected _that_. He sounded just as baffled as her sister did and she thought of the _spider-man_ meme. Under normal circumstances she’d have found it extremely amusing, but in her current situation, it added to her anguish and confusion. Not to mention the embarrassment at the realization she’d gone through an entire conversation without bothering to learn or confirm her classmate’s name. And _that_ made her feel like a piece of shit, a failure at being a human being.

Her gaze finally broke from her lunch, looking up at Kristoff (apparently) when he continued to speak, the confusion in his voice still apparent.

“You two know each other?”

It were as though an invisible force had bound and gagged her tongue even as she wanted to _shout_ the answer.

‘ _She’s my sister_.’

The words were formed so clearly in her mind, yet her mouth refused to release them. A lump formed in her throat as anger and frustration stung at her eyes, though they remained unwatered.

‘ _She’s my_ ** _sister_.’**

She very nearly stopped breathing and remained perfectly still as she felt Anna’s hand delicately brush some stray, platinum hairs away from her face, tucking a strand behind Elsa’s ear as she straightened out. She wanted to scream at her own impotence and inability to verbalize a thought that was actually _pretty fucking simple_ although made apparently so much more complicated by force of circumstance and the fresh, taunting observation of a fast food sauce packet. Vaguely, she figured any chance of Kristoff thinking she wasn’t a complete and utter troglodyte must have been rapidly evaporating. However she did not dwell to that thought, letting go of it immediately as she keyed into Anna’s voice.

“We practically know each other _Biblically_ , even. She’s my sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there wasn't a whole lot of Elsanna in this chapter, however it hopefully offered a better glimpse into Elsa's mind and her world.


	5. Doritos Locos Tacos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tfw you're such an overthinker, you overanalyze Taco Bell sauce packets.

For the first time since she’d started at Middlebury College, Elsa had gotten high on campus, _before_ the end of the day and well before she’d gotten home. It was the only way she’d envisioned the rest of her Monday being remotely bearable, and the only way she could even begin to attempt quelling the storm in her mind. Not that she’d have been able to chase it away entirely but the roar had ground down to a low hum.

She’d vaguely recalled making her way to the car a little before the end of her last class toying with the mouthpiece of her teal coloured (obviously) Pax 3, the muffled click as she popped it open and closed repeatedly a soothing sensation even as it was drowned out by the music playing almost a little too loudly for comfort out of her car’s bluetooth.

Like a never ending loop of some generic riff, the thoughts had played over and over in her head since lunch. Including the moment where Kristoff had laughed, apparently oblivious to Anna’s choice of words, and apparently not quite putting two and two together regarding the person packing Elsa’s lunch. He’d followed that up with an invitation to a party this coming weekend for the both of them, and Anna’s eyes had sparkled. She already had a hard time saying no to her, but when she’d seen the hesitation on her face, dampening the spark of enthusiasm at the mere thought that she’d _likely_ have to turn down the invitation because her older _sister_ probably wouldn’t want to go… Elsa had sighed quietly and nodded, forcing a quick smile to Kristoff to indicate they would be present.

Maybe on some level it had been a way to assuage the confusion, her brain had rationalized that going to a party with Anna would _surely_ prove that she definitely didn’t intend to create a fucking Taco Bell sauce message, and if she had, it wasn’t like _that_.Her comment about practically knowing each other in the Biblical sense also _surely_ proved that Anna had no clue. She was just a particularly devoted, loving sister. There was nothing wrong with that, and it certainly didn’t mean there was anything more to it. They’d go to the party, Anna would flirt with a cute… someone, and Elsa would try to pretend and act like she used to before their parents died. She _used_ to go to parties all the time, and if all else failed she had a socially acceptable context to get stoned into the next dimension and cruise on auto-pilot until it was time to go home.

This thing that was eating at her mind would soon be nothing but a fucked up punchline left in the review mirror of life. In fact, she decided in that instant that she wouldn’t even _talk_ about it with Anna, because it wasn’t even worth mentioning, and her younger sister would probably think she’d _actually_ fucking lost it, or the weed was making her paranoid (could cannabis-induced paranoia affect you even when you were sober? She figured she’d have to google it at some point). That being said, even if the moment were only a few days away, it seemed like a lifetime away when looked at through the optics of the fact that until then, she was mentally suspecting her sister, whom she lived with, whom she loved, whom she cuddled with and even shared a bed with at times; of something arguably pretty heinous. _Especially_ if it were untrue.

But at the same time, Elsa lacked any actual proof that it _was_ untrue, and therein laid her dilemma. She was ashamed of the fact she could even consider the possibility of it being true and outright asking Anna about it would telegraph her doubt. She could all too easily picture her sister’s hurt and horrified expression and… disgust too that Elsa’s mind would even _go there_.

She cringed at the thought and grabbed her sunglasses from the glove compartment, shoving them onto her face, hiding as much as one could out in the open. She tried to distract herself, skipping through songs until she found one that was neither irritatingly cheerful nor visceral in its distress.

With her eyes riveted on the screen as she tapped through the shuffle setting on her library, she didn’t see Anna coming towards the car and startled when the door opened. She didn’t look up however, nor did she greet her, thinking if maybe she avoided speaking, the subject of her smoking while waiting in the car wouldn’t come up.

“Hey! Sorry to keep you waiting, I ran into a friend on my way out.”

“No problem. How was your day?”

Without waiting for a reply, she turned the key in the ignition and got the car into drive as soon as she heard the click of Anna’s seatbelt.

“It was okay. Made a lot better by getting to lunch with you - I feel like lately that barely ever happens anymore.”

Elsa offered a tiny smile and a quick nod, as a gesture of acknowledgement and agreement.

“What about you, how was your day?”

There was a shift in her sister’s voice. Caution. Hesitation. Concern. Elsa should have known better than to hope Anna wouldn’t notice that she was having a rough go of it, but objectively she knew her behaviour had already strayed from her usual patterns. Anna being Anna, there was also no way that she’d pretend not to notice, or purposefully ignore it.

“It was… a day. Very day-like.”

When Anna didn’t immediately respond, Elsa felt the air in her lungs grow a little thin, all too worried the fragile silence would be shattered in a way she wasn’t ready or willing to confront. She stared straight ahead, her eyes riveted on the road, purposefully focused away from her peripheral vision, afraid of finding burning questions on the edges of Anna’s lips. _Anna’s lips_. She clung desperately to the beacon of their home promising the safety and comfort of her bubble, even if they had to make some sort of detour. Anna’s voice was gentle, almost timid when she next spoke.

“I’m sorry. But at least we’re headed home now, we can chill out, smoke out and take it easy.”

Frankly the thought of having to drive out to Taco Bell in that particular moment seemed like a herculean task, and she damn near cried tears of gratitude when Anna suggested, implicitly, that they head home ASAP. _That_ , she knew, meant Anna was acknowledging her distress _and_ acknowledging that Elsa had no desire to verbalize or discuss it, in that exact instant.

“You’re right. That sounds nice. I think there’s a new episode of American Gods out tonight.”

Briefly, the intense relief and the knowledge that Anna both saw _and_ understood her and her needs, without her having to actually say them, superseded all of the unpleasant, obsessive thoughts that had been rattling the cages in her mind. Without even thinking, as they slowed down to enter a roundabout, Elsa reached over with her right hand seeking Anna’s and gently weaving their fingers together.

———

Upon arriving home, Elsa had scurried to her room to change into a pair of soft, comfy sweatpants for a two hour long nap, after which she had awoken to the smell of something delicious coming from the kitchen. She’d laid there for a moment longer, eyes riveted to the edge of her bed, as she got her bearings and finally reached for her phone, checking it out of habit as it forced her eyes to focus.

She sat up on her bed not quite ready to get her legs underneath her yet, locating her vaporizer on her night stand and switching it on. The corner of her mouth quirked up for a brief instant as the device vibrated to indicate it had powered up and the heating process was started.

Her thoughts drifted, unfocused, untethered as she waited for the familiar green light. She’d luckily had the foresight to pack the vape’s oven before she’d gone to sleep, exactly so she could fire it up without missing a beat. To say she was grateful to her past self for being so considerate would be an understatement, because while she was definitely calmer than when they’d left the campus, it didn’t stop her from feeling like shit, in general. A sadly familiar anxiety hangover of sorts.

Letting out a deep sigh, she ran a hand over her messy bangs then attempted to smooth her hair over and down along her braid, growing impatient. Before she could get aggravated, however, the beacon she had been waiting for blinked and she immediately brought the raised mouthpiece to her lips, inhaling smoke into her lungs, breathing in.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

Her lungs strained, heating up a little beyond the point of comfort before she finally exhaled, watching as the vapour clouded before her eyes. She repeated this, the second time giving way to a coughing fit, and the third spreading out a tingling sensation to her extremities.

Okay.

Pax 3 in one hand, phone in the other, she finally rose from her bed, and all but crawled her way to the kitchen, to find Anna peering into the oven. Elsa noted that the delicious smell she’d woken up to must have been what she was currently gazing at, and a gnawing inside her stomach reminded her she was in fact hungry. A little further away, the television played a show she recognized as one of her sister’s comfort shows, _Avatar: Legend of Korra._

Anna stood up and spotted her out of the corner of her eye it seemed, and she smiled at Elsa warmly without saying a word. Elsa smiled back walking over to her in order to affectionately kiss Anna’s temple on top of her hair, more out of habit than anything. Upon hearing her sister hum in appreciation though, her mind immediately jumped back to the whole reason her day had spiralled down so far, and where she normally might have embraced Anna to hug her, she hesitated. Instead, Elsa continued on towards the couch, moving away just as she felt Anna’s hand brush against her side, doing her best to act as though she hadn’t noticed, shifting the focus to a verbal exchange instead.

“I’m sorry I just crashed when we got home.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for that.”

Elsa dropped onto the couch and worked the nerve to look back at Anna, trying to get a read on her. She seemed sincere, there was a gentle understanding in her gaze, which only fuelled Elsa’s guilt even further. How could she accuse selfless, tender, loving Anna of something arguably so sick and twisted that she couldn’t even _ask_ for clarification without risking sounding cruel? Anna had really never asked anything of her, never wanted anything from her, not like that. Driving out of their way for fast food didn’t have half the implications of everything she had done for Elsa.

She checked her vaporizer. The green light was still on, and she took another hit, trying to shift her brain back away to _literally_ any other fucking topic.

“What are you making? It smelled so good I’m pretty sure that’s what convinced me to get up.”

_Gods_. Why was she so adorable? The way her younger sister’s face lit up at the compliment, and the pride that glowed there was radiant, even if it made her feel once more, like a piece of shit for doubting her the following moment. The negativity was quashed by her own inner voice reminding her that it was her words that clearly had just made Anna happy, and in doing so pointed out that she had just done something _right_.

Elsa watched her grab her own vape pen, taking a hit before she answered.

“Well I figured you could use some comfort food so I am making macaroni with meat sauce and baked melted cheese. I also made some salad with lettuce, tomato and avocado. Was thinking balsamic vinaigrette?”

Elsa opened her mouth to answer, but her stomach rumbled audibly, and their eyes met, before they both burst out into laughter. She folded her legs back up on the couch, trying to catch her breath.

“Oh my _gods_. Okay. I was going to say that sounds delicious but I guess I don’t fucking need to.”

“Well fortunately for you, it’s all but ready. Why don’t you get _American Gods_ loaded while I make you a plate?”

“You sure you don’t want to finish this episode first? It’s a good one.”

“I’m sure, it’ll just be an excuse for me to watch it over from the beginning, next time.”

“Okay.”

Elsa leaned off the couch, grabbing the coffee table in order to pull it closer, both to make the actual meal easier to eat, as well as to avoid having to get up (gods forbid) to retrieve the Roku remote.

She squinted at the screen as she clicked through the menu, browsing until she found the right streaming service and finally, the series they were looking for. It would be a good show for tonight, as it usually required if not her full attention, a major portion of it, and she liked it specifically because it helped her take her mind off other things. She selected the new episode, waiting for it to load and immediately pausing it, waiting for Anna who came back at that very moment, a plate in each hand.

“What would you like to drink?”

“A coke please.”

By sound, she knew the fridge door opened then closed and she shifted slightly, moving over to make more room for Anna as her sister returned with their drinks. Elsa felt the dip in the couch and the warmth coming from the proximity and started the show. The opening credits rolled by the polished aesthetic and trademark camerawork captivating her as she absently poked her fork into her salad, which she mowed down with a speed that further proved just how hungry she had been. She slowed down only once she got her pasta, and even then it was mostly because thirst became more pronounced.

The following instant she felt Anna lean against her, head resting on her shoulder and distracting her from the ability to focus on the closed captions of the show. The impulse to reach over with one arm and embrace her waist was strong, but again she thought of the Taco Bell sauce ‘message’. Her hands deliberately reached for her plate instead and Anna shifted closer, her entire body apparently desperate to seek contact. And it was then, she realized, that Anna hadn’t brought her a hot sauce packet to go with her meal as she so often did. Did she forget, or did she simply choose not to? More importantly, was it something Elsa should be ascribing any meaning to?

No. Holy shit, what kind of person questioned the absence of a condiment after someone just spent a fuckton of time preparing a perfect, delicious meal? Fuck she needed to _stop_. She could see she was literally driving herself beyond the brink of what her sanity could bear without permanent damage to her already fragile psyche. Friday was less than four days away, she could survive until then.

She couldn’t remember a time in the last five years she’d looked forward to any party this much.

“Is it good?”

“Wha…”

“The food.”

_Oh._

Glancing down, she could’ve sworn a dusting of pink was visible on Anna’s cheekbones.She immediately yanked her eyes away, refocusing on the show, wanting to lose herself in the plot line once more.

A dull ache bloomed in her chest. Her sister was the one person she’d never had to overthink their interactions with, or overthink her own moves and gestures. For the first time since the loss of their parents, Elsa felt alone even with Anna right at her side.

“Yeah it’s delicious! I think you really outdid yourself, I hope there are leftovers.”

It hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be a big one... for the party is where things come to a head...


End file.
